Apple’s Vision Pro, a Kafkaesque Device for the Misanthrope in Everyone

We’ll get to the details on the technology and product soon enough. But, I had to write this because I have never been more depressed about a product launch then the launch of Apple’s MR headset, the Vision Pro, a spatial computer as it was repeatedly called, just in case we didn’t get the message that it was more than a headset. Even though it looked like one. It really looked like one.

Who in their right mind at Apple thinks that someone can wear one of these things and get on one of today’s cattle class airplanes? This is just a Tik Tok video waiting to happen.

Want to know what a spatial computer is, it’s a thing you wear on your head that has an OLED screen to let people know you still have your own eyes. I mean, with all the money that Apple has, and all the people and talent that went into creating this major launch, didn’t anyone, I mean anyone, just point out that every mannequin who was wearing the device and using it in the special effects laden promo videos looked liked they were either very sad, very selfish, or just a douche?

Not the actors they hired for the promo. God knows they did their jobs, and they all looked like decent enough people, but did Apple really pitch us on the idea that its vision for the future of computing is not burying our heads in an iPhone but burying our heads inside a souped-up MacBook, covering up our eyes and giving the world, our friends, our family, and our lives the middle finger? Did anyone see how sad it all looked? Beyond the veneer.

The Vision Pro doesn’t work unless you assume that it replaces the traditional user interface. It’s way too expensive for that ($3,500+). It has a lot of very, very smart technology. There’s no doubt about that, but you look like a clueless jerk wearing one. It’s about the same as a bunch of people sitting around glued to their phones, but an order of magnitude more depressing.

And, it’s right there, it’s in the glitzy promos! You can see how isolating it is. The guy is wearing his headset, like some medieval knight’s helmet with the visor down, and taking “spatial” pictures of his kids. You are a bad dad, dude. Get off your device!

Guess what, says Apple, we took care of that by projecting a very sophisticated facsimile of your eyes on to the front of the headset when you have people around you. Tada! You are so human. And, to add insult to injury, Apple calls it EyeSight. Mind blown. Fire the ad agency, the marketing department, the person who makes slides. Fire them all and let them save their souls. I don’t mean that. Don’t want to see anyone fired for this unless they are a C-suite executive.

Any normal person who has not decided that their favorite character in Lord of the Rings is not a hobbit but that eye thing on top the tower, any normal human would just look at this and go, what were you thinking?

I really don’t care how many of these things people buy, it will lead to a Purge-like situation eventually. It’s like we are all incels in Apple’s eyes.

This amazing tech is just a mess of a computer idea… and the price…. at that price if you see someone walking around with one of these things, wearing it at the office, or on a plane, you will have a visceral reaction, not one of empathy, but probably something akin to hatred.

This could have gone so much better. But, maybe someone was too busy pumping happy-face into the talking heads of the executive committee and forgot to tell them that, you know, these people with the headsets, they’re actors, you might want to think about real people and what they’re worth. Maybe, in the land of the blind the one-eye man is king is a true story. Maybe, that one-eye king just shoved a bucket on everyone’s head and hoped they wouldn’t notice he’s the one who blinded them.